Skip to main content

Everyone Needs a Hero

 
Tonight, fresh from their baths, the girls pretended to be super heroes.

Knowing how funny the word vagina is (see, funny right?), Samantha proudly announced that she would be...Vagina Man!

"I'm Vagina Man!" she said.

"Vagina Man?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes! Who needs a vagina?" Samantha asked. "I give vaginas to people who need them!"

Elizabeth, who's game for anything, picked up her snake (yes, her snake) and said in a deep voice, "I need to pee. Can I have a vagina?"

"OK!" Samantha said, reaching into her undies, pulling out an imaginary vagina, and putting it on the snake while making a strange zipping noise. "I have a lot of vaginas," she added.

Meanwhile their grandpa, who's visiting from Chicago, sat in the next room pretending not to hear. Poor Papa.

I wonder, did Michael and his brother ever play games like this? Did Michael ever declare that he was Penis Man?

We'll never know, now will we?

Comments

Dating Trooper said…
Following the girls' logic, that would have made Michael Penis Woman!
Thanks for a good laugh right before bedtime :-)
Anonymous said…
Laughing my ass off!
Melissa said…
DT -- Yes, of course! How sexist of me!
Lunasea said…
Bwa ha ha! That's fantastic. Maybe they could also replace worn-out ones.
Melissa said…
Lunasea -- That is probably the best idea I've heard in a long time. Sign me up! (Is that TMI??)
ST said…
Forget a replacement, I could just use a spare for when I'm reeeeeally tired...
Anonymous said…
i love what the uncensored truly Free imagination comes up with...that's real genius. i'm glad you recorded the conversation: who (i.e. what adult) could ever have thought that up?
Anonymous said…
wow...your kids say crazier stuff than mine. i didn't think that was possible! :)
San Diego Momma said…
"Vagina Man" is possibly the most perfect oxymoron I've heard in a long time.
Michele said…
OK, I haven't visited in a long time and this post gave me a big laugh ... you are so lucky to have two fun girls : )

Popular posts from this blog

Just Call Me Ruby

Despite recent evidence to the contrary, it's no secret -- I don't like to exercise. Especially exercise for the sake of exercise... pushups in order to do more and better pushups, etc. To inspire me properly, everything must have purpose . It must be practical. This is why I stopped taking kung fu a few years ago (well, that and it's not easy to execute a perfect roundhouse kick when you're pregnant.) After 2-3 years of working hard to become a great fighter (not that I ever became one), I asked myself, What am I fighting against? I'm not going to join the Army. I don't live in a bad neighborhood. Yet, I'm spending hours and hours of my time learning how to poke some phantom menace in the ojos (that's eyes for those of you who aren't vicariously learning Spanish through your 1st grader). Enough was enough. It just wasn't practical anymore. And thus began the steady process of me falling out of shape. I knew I was in physical decline. T...

Score One for the Bad Guys

Apparently, Lizzy and Samantha have a soft spot in their hearts for the bad guys. After all, in their world the bad guys always get shot, beaten, or killed by super heroes, they always land in jail, and they’re never attractive. So when I heard strange phrases in hushed tones coming from the toy room the other day, phrases like, take off his clothes ... and hand me that bug ... and, put that on his vagina , I had to ask: What is going on in there?! After some debate between the two of them (n o, don’t tell mommy ... it’s OK, just don’t tell daddy ... and so on) they finally fessed up that they were playing a game with Barbies and other creatures wherein the bad guys win. Here’s how it works: In this game, the bad guys torture the good guys by making them take off all their clothes and then placing mind-controlling bugs on their vaginas . The bugs contain a virus that infects their hosts, thus enabling the bad guys to control the actions and behaviors of the good guys. Ergo, the b...

Adult Beginning Gymnastics Revealed

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. Well...yes and no . Sometimes what we fear turns out to be OK -- in fact, it turns out to be pretty damned fun. The squadron of peppy cheerleaders turns out to be an extremely quiet guy named Ron and a nice girl named Alison who looks like Hayley Mills (but doesn't know who Hayley Mills is). The gymnastics instructor turns out to be a nice young girl woman who is easy to talk to. And I turn out to be considerably less decrepit than originally feared. Of the three students (!), I'm definitely the oldest by more than a decade. However, I was surprised (and thrilled) to see how evenly matched we were. Where one student is flexible, the other is strong. What I lack in youth, I make up for in pointy toes and perky presentation. While I'm certainly not as fit as the other students, I am not miles behind in skill. (Maybe just a few blocks away.) The first class was primarily an assessment of our current capabilities, so we c...