Skip to main content

Still Love Me, Sasquatch?

We're still fighting the virus -- now it's Lizzy's turn. While our family continues to battle this viral beast, I am in limbo. I can't focus... can barely think. Instead of Discover Magazine and Frontline, my head-space can only accommodate Us Magazine and Hottest Bikini Beaches. Thus, work today is slow-going.

So I will leave you with these few Family Bites I've collected over the last few days. Because it's all I can handle.

--------------------

Samantha: "Mommy, you're more beautiful than princess stuff. If you have short, short hair, or loooong, long hair you're still beautiful. When you wear cool t-shirts -- and pants -- you're beautiful. Even when you're naked you're beautiful.

Me: "Wow, even then?"

Samantha: "Yes!"

Me: "Thank you, Samantha. What a nice thing to say."

Samantha: "You love me, right?"

Me: "I love you so much!"

Samantha: "I'm saying nice things to make you happy with me, right?"

Me: "Yes. Yes you are."

And it's working.

----------------

Samantha: "Oh, I just had a nice daydream!" She smiles pleasantly as we pull into the parking lot of a Jamba Juice.

Me: "Yea, what about?"

Samantha: "There was Wonder Woman and some bad guys and good guys... and there were swords... lots of swords... and then Wonder Woman cut the bad guys, yea she cut their arms off... and their heads, too. She cut them right off... cut, cut! And there were guns! Lots of guns!"

Me: "Wow."

Samantha: "I like the sound the guns made... pshew, pshew, pshew!" She makes shooting gestures with her fingers.

Me: "And you liked this daydream?"

Samantha: "Oh, yes. It was so nice."

Apparently Samantha and Quentin Tarantino are collaborating on a new project.

--------------------

Samantha to me: "I hate you, I hate you! I throw poop in your eye!"

(pauses)

Samantha: "You still love me, right?"

--------------------

Lizzy to me: "You need to shave your vagina -- so it looks more like a girl's."

As opposed to what -- Sasquatch?

Thanks, Lizzy. Get well soon, sweetie.

Comments

Rima said…
"SasCrotch."

Heh.

Those are all gems.
Michele said…
Very creative Melissa and Rima : )
it's moments like those that make me glad you're blogging again.

Popular posts from this blog

About This Blog

Right off the top, it's a goofy name. I was looking for a new name for my blog, and then one morning I had the following exchange with my husband. We were taking our daughter to preschool and found ourselves following a well-dressed mom wearing a cute little skirt and high heels. I tilted my head to one side like a puppy noticing something strange for the first time. Michael also tilted his head, but was thinking of something else. "How come you don't wear skirts and high heels to work?" he asked. "She must be freezing. It doesn't seem practical." "She doesn't seem to mind." "I suppose not." Two heads tilt to the other side. "Oh well, I guess I'm more of a cords and fleece kind of girl." Two heads straighten. And there you have it -- a blog title based entirely on what I like to wear in the wintertime. Talk about impractical. The former title was Domestic Irritation. I liked that title a lot -- i

Adult Beginning Gymnastics Revealed

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. Well...yes and no . Sometimes what we fear turns out to be OK -- in fact, it turns out to be pretty damned fun. The squadron of peppy cheerleaders turns out to be an extremely quiet guy named Ron and a nice girl named Alison who looks like Hayley Mills (but doesn't know who Hayley Mills is). The gymnastics instructor turns out to be a nice young girl woman who is easy to talk to. And I turn out to be considerably less decrepit than originally feared. Of the three students (!), I'm definitely the oldest by more than a decade. However, I was surprised (and thrilled) to see how evenly matched we were. Where one student is flexible, the other is strong. What I lack in youth, I make up for in pointy toes and perky presentation. While I'm certainly not as fit as the other students, I am not miles behind in skill. (Maybe just a few blocks away.) The first class was primarily an assessment of our current capabilities, so we c

Score One for the Bad Guys

Apparently, Lizzy and Samantha have a soft spot in their hearts for the bad guys. After all, in their world the bad guys always get shot, beaten, or killed by super heroes, they always land in jail, and they’re never attractive. So when I heard strange phrases in hushed tones coming from the toy room the other day, phrases like, take off his clothes ... and hand me that bug ... and, put that on his vagina , I had to ask: What is going on in there?! After some debate between the two of them (n o, don’t tell mommy ... it’s OK, just don’t tell daddy ... and so on) they finally fessed up that they were playing a game with Barbies and other creatures wherein the bad guys win. Here’s how it works: In this game, the bad guys torture the good guys by making them take off all their clothes and then placing mind-controlling bugs on their vaginas . The bugs contain a virus that infects their hosts, thus enabling the bad guys to control the actions and behaviors of the good guys. Ergo, the b