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Hat Momy


“Elizabeth, you have to take your medicine.”

Elizabeth storms from the kitchen. I don’t blame her, really. Cough medicine is the worst. In her bedroom I find her furiously scribbling a note. She holds it up to me while making an angry face.

HAT MOMY is written above a heart drawn on a heart-shaped card she cut out of printer paper. I read the card out loud.

“You hat me?” I ask.

“It’s not hat it’s HATE!” she corrects me.

I have to admit, it was a low-blow on my part because I already knew it was “hate.” Now she feels bad for being angry, for being misunderstood, and for misspelling a word. Yea, definitely a low-blow -- caused by a momentary lapse of confidence precipitated by the word HAT.

“Oh,” I say. “Well, at least you wrote it on a heart card. So you must not hat me too much,” I tease and smile hopefully. Elizabeth scowls, but doesn’t deny it. I resist the urge to taunt her by singing You love me, you love me! Instead, I promise all sorts of chocolate goodies to eradicate the forthcoming offensive medicinal brew. She acquiesces. We hug. All is well.

However, this gives me an idea. I imagine a commercial...

Yes, it’s the latest from Hallmark -- the Hate Heart Card.

Does your mother make you take medicine that tastes like cherry-flavored rat piss? Does she make you sleep? In bed? ALL NIGHT LONG? Does she interrupt your Dora computer game, just to eat dinner?

Then the Hate Heart card is perfect for those occasions when you hate your mother... almost.

Ahhh. I’ll treasure it always.
 
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Comments

Dating Trooper said…
Terrific idea! Goes right along with my idea for the anti-mother's day card. I have so many friends with less-than-perfect relationships with their moms and, although they may love them, the cheezy "you made me who I am today, I love you" cards you find just aren't the right tone. How about, "You can be a pain in the ass. But still, I hope your day is a good one."
June 4, 2008 at 1:13 PM
Dawn said…
I love it. You handled it all remarkably well. I would have been a bawling mess. I don't look forward to the day Daelyn says she hates me.
June 4, 2008 at 1:56 PM
ST said…
The first time my eldest said she hated me, I cried for days. Now I just shrug and say, "That's OK, because I love you anyway." My younger one is now calling me "Poopy Mommy" when she can't have her way. I just keep reminding myself, "Mean mommies are the best mommies... someday they'll thank me."
June 4, 2008 at 4:10 PM
Rima said…
There is something so gosh darned poetic about that card. It's like, subliminally, she loves you for caring enough to make her take her meds! Your kids are a scream (and so is your new blog look :)
June 4, 2008 at 5:01 PM
Anonymous said…
oh god why wasn't i a mother like you?? you really have smart instincts. keep following them.
more of the same.
June 5, 2008 at 9:09 AM
Don Mills Diva said…
I'd buy it!

Like you, I so would have been unable to refrain from saying "You hat me? Whatever do you mean?"
June 5, 2008 at 10:44 AM
Anonymous said…
ah, yes. the "hat" card. good for you for letting her say what she thinks. and taking it all in stride.
myra
wemakethree.com
June 7, 2008 at 7:33 AM
Michele said…
Oh my, I'm totally dreading the day that Zoe says she hates me. I'm going to freak out. I definitely won't handle it has confidentally as you. But I totally love the fact that she wrote it on a heart card : )
June 10, 2008 at 11:17 AM
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