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Save Matilda, Shed the Guilt

 
Brothers and sisters, I’m still holding my breath about Matilda.

I just read that after a crab molts, I should NOT throw the exoskeleton away because the crab is supposed to eat it in order to obtain valuable calcium. (Fuckity fuck fuck!) Now I need to put calcium into her water dish to make her strong and healthy. What do you think -- Os-Cal or Viactiv soft chews?

I also read that I should separate her from the other hermit crabs (i.e. George) since this is when cannibalism most often occurs. (Did I say fuckity fuck fuck?) Which could explain why last night I saw Matilda’s shell with the opening facing upward and George sitting nearby holding a lobster fork. Fortunately, I found her in time and turned her over. I also pushed some sand around her like a warm blanket to keep her nice and cozy. We’ll see.

Tonight I plan to hold a candlelight vigil on her behalf. As always, your thoughts and prayers are welcome, as well as a casserole dish of your choosing. (Please, no seafood or imitation crab meat -- that’s just not funny.) If you find it in your hearts to do more, feel free to donate to the Save Matilda, Shed the Guilt fund.

Thank you, and God Bless.
 

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Comments

Rima said…
Who knew I could learn so much about the secret lives of hermit crabs through blogging.

But, OMG! Fuckity fuck is right, although I had to laugh about your title and the lobster fork line.

I give my kids the Tropicana OJ with added calcium. Does Matilda know how to drink from a sippy cup yet?
April 2, 2008 at 12:11 PM
Michele said…
I'm so behind on my blog reading and I read this one first before reading the "we thought Matilda was dead" one so I was very confused : ) I'll light a cancle for Matilda tonight : )
April 2, 2008 at 12:27 PM
San Diego Momma/Two Funny Brains said…
I'll play some Elton John songs and keep vigil.

Deb
sandiegomomma.com
April 2, 2008 at 1:04 PM
Dating Trooper said…
I will pray to whatever God is most appropriate, though I think I'll keep it outside of my own religion since I'm pretty sure hermit crabs are considered shellfish and are therefore not kosher.

As for OTC calcium products...they tend to be ineffective for humans so not sure how much they'll help a crab...
April 2, 2008 at 1:50 PM
just jamie said…
Oh cool, a new SD blog friend. And she's FUNNY, too.

Looking forward to meeting you at the Bossy bash.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to read more and see just how funny you are.
April 2, 2008 at 9:37 PM
Molly said…
Matilda-what a great name! I have no hermit crab experience or suggestions. Good luck!
April 3, 2008 at 8:46 AM
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