The Sixth Day

>> Thursday, February 21, 2008

And on the 6th day, God created the Portable DVD Player...

For ages we traveled in darkness -- three long years; 90 minutes on good days, two hours or more when it stormed or the traffic was particularly foul. It was a dark time; a time of screeching hell-hounds, ghastly music, and arguments about who could sing Mary Had a Little Lamb the loudest. It was the Age of Commuting with Toddlers.

And then a miracle occurred.

One the day of the miracle, I fetched my bridegroom upon our small ebony steed whom we affectionately christened The Toyota Matrix. Then, to my great surprise, mine husband withdrew a small, metallic box from his rucksack and proceeded to affix thine unusual instrument betwixt our saddles. After much fussing about, he winkethed at me and bid our horse anon.

Onward we rode until we came upon the Dwelling of Small and Smelly children. From among the great screaming brood, we extracted two flaxen haired nymphs who lay claim upon us. With much hugging and tweaking of cheeks and noses, we secured the wee ones to their rear saddles upon the humble Matrix.

All was well with us until the eldest bid us to procure lollipops. Alas, we had no lollipops, and with great force did our maidens begin to wail, who, by this time were no mere maidens, but had transformed into some sort of ancient demon spawn. I tremble as I recount this tale and I am wont to admit that I was frightened. Yes, me, the mother my own offspring, frightened. Indeed I pray for my very soul.

Am I yet able to believe what mine eyes beheld next? Nay, nearly, for what followed remains difficult for my fragile mind to comprehend. With a wave of his hand, mine husband -- proving once again the depth of my love for him and his for me, as if some doubt persisted -- mine husband opened the lid from atop the metallic box and pressed upon a shiny knob, therein causing magical pictures to appear upon the lid -- moving pictures, pictures the maidens recognized of furry, brightly colored monsters that dwelled upon a lane christened after a small seed. Then, from a place I could not see, he withdrew two pairs of pink and black discs which he fastened upon their crowns. They struggled not and indeed rejoiced at their unexpected laurels.

As if this were not enough, as if my mind could handle yet another surprise, the miracle occurred, for suddenly and without a doubt, the maidens fell silent. They spoke not of “lollipops” and “poo-poo parties” and instead stared transfixed at the metallic lid of magical moving pictures.

My heart overflowed with a joy I could not contain. I looked upon mine husband with much love and then mounted the black steed and bid us homeward. During our journey, we listened to music, wonderful music. We listened to the Sonic Youth and the Cherry Valence. We reminisced of days of yore, of dancing and nights spent at wondrous music halls. We yelled not to “be quiet” or “stop kicking the saddle”. We were, indeed, happy and rode happily until we arrived at home and, alas, the magical spell was broken.

My heart grew heavy, lo I knew the miracle could not last forever. Curse this weak mortal soul! If only this memory could sustain me forever, yet this night I pray that perhaps I will be blessed to witness the miracle of the metallic box once more. If that is not my destiny, then forgive me, Oh Lord, if I dwell too long in my sweet memories. For they are all that remain.

And God smiled and said the Portable DVD Player is good.

(I’d like to thank Polaroid’s Portable DVD Player, Wikipedia, and my Thesaurus for the preceding tale.)


Rima February 22, 2008 at 7:19 AM  

And I'd like to thank you for this thoroughly good old-fashioned (and hysterically) entertaining post! It was better than an episode of Sesame Street on DVD!

Mumsydoodle February 22, 2008 at 1:19 PM  

OMG, I LOVED this post! As it happened, I was playing my Baroque when I read your post and it really brought your story to life. Don't you just love living the tech life?

Bookdiva February 22, 2008 at 1:30 PM  

Portable DVD players are the BEST THING EVER INVENTED for parents. Period.

Debbie,  February 22, 2008 at 2:34 PM  

I've had two portable DVD players in my closet since the Christmas of '06. One for each kid.
Unopened. Unused.

You just reminded me.


Christina February 22, 2008 at 2:48 PM  

Ahhh, yes the portable DVD player gives hope to parents everywhere that they can survive parenthood!

Dawn February 26, 2008 at 8:30 AM  

That's freakin' awesome. I love it. And we would be lost without the built in dvd player in our tahoe and we have a portable one for when we have fights in the house. Technology is great.

Carole March 13, 2008 at 7:55 PM  

Hazzah! Hazzah! So well said.

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