Samantha: “I want to play Boggle, Daddy!”
Michael: “This game is for people who know how to read.”
Samantha: “Yes, but I’m tall!”
Michael: “Well, height really has nothing to do with literacy.”
--------------------
Elizabeth: “Look! It’s a dradle.” (pause) “I made it out of clay!”
And she really did. And we laughed really hard.
--------------------
Me: “I had a dream that you were mad at me and I went to a used record store and bought Michael Jackson’s Off the Wall for you in order to make up.”
Michael: “Are you sure you didn’t buy the record first and then I got mad at you?”
--------------------
Elizabeth: “How come kids only know about being fair and not grownups?”
--------------------
Me (to friends): “We got a kitten!”
Michael: “She misunderstood -- that’s not exactly what I meant when I said ‘I wanted more pussy’.”
Oh, yes he did.
--------------------
Me: “Meg’s touching your bone.”
(Meg is the cat and the bone is obviously Michael’s penis -- certainly not a drumstick.)
--------------------
Michael (while searching through the trunk of the car): “Is my rain coat up there?”
Me: “No, it’s not. Aren’t there some umbrellas back there?”
Michael: “Mmmm... only fruity ones.”
Me: “What?”
Michael: “Let’s see, my choices are a giant green frog umbrella or a Winnie the Poo umbrella.”
Me (chuckling): “Well, it’s better than getting wet.”
Michael: “Uh, no -- it’s not.”
And off he walked into the rain...
--------------------
Elizabeth: “I wish girls had chocolate butts.”
Me: Pause. Process. Blink. “Huh?”
Elizabeth: “Because then you could lick their booty.”
Oh, yes she did. I just love daycare.
Comments
Second, do men EVER get tired of the did I mean "pussy" or "cat" joke? Seriously, Wine Guy exercises this joke on a daily basis at least! (Yet, it still makes me giggle so I guess he is encouraged...)
great soundbites...