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Google BadSense

 
Spank Girls, Ukraine Wives, and Sugar Daddies.

I’m so proud to be a member of Google AdSense.

If you’ve explored the Internet for more than five minutes, you’ve seen them. If you’re reading this on my blog (and not through a reader), then scroll down a little and you’ll see them on the right-hand side. Google ads are everywhere.

But don’t be fooled. They didn’t appear magically on their own -- I put them there. That’s because I thought, silly newbie that I am, that placing Google ads on my blog would make me rich -- or at least enable me to eat at a nice sushi restaurant once in a while. And now, after 5 months and 6,000 page views I’ve made a whopping (drum roll): $2.09.

Wahoo! I can get the extra large pack of chewing gum!

But it’s OK. Really. It was kind of silly of me to expect a huge paycheck for doing so little -- kind of like expecting to win a million dollars just because I bought a Pepsi and lottery ticket at the 7-11. It’s kind of comforting to know that lives are changed only through extraordinarily good luck or hard work. Ultimately, good luck is over-rated and hard work is good for us. Who'da thunk?

Google AdSense works primarily by keywords. My blog is scanned for certain words, and then ads appear that “match” those words. I don’t get to pick the ads, they’re “matched” automatically, which explains the predominance of cat-related and party-supply ads.

But there are other matches -- odd matches, disturbing matches, matches that make me wonder who the hell they think I am.

Here’s a few:

Hey, I never once spanked my girls or wrote about it, so I don’t know how Google come up with that. (Or perhaps Google can read my mind...)

OK, this is more like it. This ad must appear on every parenting blog on the planet.

I don’t know. For me, this falls under the headline of “Creating Problems”. Their web site touts lower energy costs with disposable undies (you know, since you won't be using the washer and dryer), but since I toss mine in with the rest of my clothes, I really don’t see how this saves energy. (I mean, my underwear’s not THAT big -- despite what my husband says). But I like the Maya Angelou quote posted in the Her section of their web site:

   “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it,
   change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

   - Maya Angelou, poet, educator

Shoot. I'd better stop complaining soon, so Maya won't be pissed at me...

But not before this:

Ah, sweet love. It does my heart good to know I’m bringing people together. And guys, once you hook up, please move to my neighborhood.

Oy.

If these are my Google matches, then Google would make for a very interesting dating service.

Hi, I’m Google. Since your profile indicates you’re “Asian” and have a “job”, I’m going to match you with this nice gentleman from West Virginia who says he likes getting “blow jobs” from Asian prostitutes. M’kay?

All of this leaves me with a strong desire to shout: I am NOT my Google Ads! Really! I’m just trying to make a few extra bucks and enjoy a nice meal once in a while. Good sushi is expensive!

Oh well. Perhaps it’s time to exchange my Google BadSense for some good sense.

Or not. I have to admit, it’s kind of fun seeing what each new entry will bring. What will happen if I write about Bush, or doggies, or sex? Wouldn’t we all like to know.

But hey -- I’m not suggesting you should actually click on anything. I mean, I’ve already got enough gum.



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