Cords and Fleece

  Tonight, fresh from their baths, the girls pretended to be super heroes. Knowing how funny the word vagina is (see, funny right?), Samantha proudly announced that she would be... Vagina Man! "I'm Vagina Man!" she said. "Vagina Man?" Elizabeth asked. "Yes! Who needs a vagina?" Samantha asked. "I give vaginas to people who need them!" Elizabeth, who's game for anything, picked up her snake (yes, her snake) and said in a deep voice, "I need to pee. Can I have a vagina?" "OK!" Samantha said, reaching into her undies, pulling out an imaginary vagina, and putting it on the snake while making a strange zipping noise. "I have a lot of vaginas," she added. Meanwhile their grandpa, who's visiting from Chicago, sat in the next room pretending not to hear. Poor Papa. I wonder, did Michael and his brother ever play games like this? Did Michael ever declare that he was Penis Man? We'll never know, now will we?

  Kindergarten is kicking my ass. God, that would be funny if it wasn’t true. But kindergarten should have a giant flashing neon sign above it that shouts, “WARNING: Giant learning curve ahead! You might not make it! (Counseling available upon request.)” The Forms Every other day, something new comes home in Elizabeth’s folder that I need to attend to: Spanish classes, sports classes, Girl Scout groups, does she want to participate in this art project and if so sign here, school picture order forms to complete, pictures for her to color and contests for her to enter, permission slips to sign, book fairs to attend and books to purchase, catalogs of products that we’re supposed to sell if we love our child and her school. It’s endless. The Schedule Mondays and Thursdays are P.E. days. Tuesday is Sharing day. Wednesday is the “short day”. Monday afternoon is Spanish class. Wednesday afternoon is soccer. Perhaps that doesn’t sound like too much to remember, especially if you have more than